Shadows Of The Past
by Chibi1309
Summary: Raven’s got doubts about love, since her run in with Malchior. But years have passed, and she’s getting that feeling again. RaxBB, with StxRo. AngstRomanceSome mild humour.
1. The Words Of Truth

**Shadows of the past**

**Disclaimer: **This is only going to be stated once throughout the story I don't own Teen Titans, or Shadows of the Past by Margaret McDonagh. I do own the plotline, and superfluous characters such as Mitch and Carol, and I also own the 'Fruity Booster!'… so please don't steal them. Thank you.

**Summary: **Raven's got doubts about love, since her run in with Malchior. But years have passed, and she's getting that feeling again. RaxBB, with StxRo. Angst/Romance/Some mild humour

**Dedication: **This whole story is dedicated to my good online friend Bluemage14 or Quillmaster14 on Thank you for being fantastic, my twin in so many ways! You've given me so much support, and always been there for a good chat and you're a great laugh! I've enjoyed knowing you…and I bet we'll have lotsa fun times to come, hehe,even tho' I haven't heard from you in ages ):...BUZZ!

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Chapter one – The Words of truth

_"It had been so long since she had allowed herself to feel_

_anything that this attraction, interest, empathy, whatever_

_it was that she had about him, alarmed her._

_Nervous and wary, she was reluctant to let their association_

_take even the smallest step onward. Long-buried emotions_

_threatened to bubble to the surface when she was around_

_him. It was better by far for her own well being that she_

_never saw him again._

_The painful lessons of past hurt still cast their shadow over_

_her. She had survived the pain, the betrayal, the humiliation,_

_and somehow found the strength to go on, hour by hour,_

_day by day, week by week._

_It had become easier with the passing of time – easier to_

_exist if not to accept – but she still could remember how_

_it had been. She never wanted to experience anything_

_like it again._

_She knew many people believed that ice ran in her veins_

_instead of blood. Neither the words nor the speculation_

_that went on behind her back hurt her any more, not after_

_all that had happened so many years ago._

_She found it difficult to accept his attentiveness at face_

_value. Whilst she was most likely doing him a disservice,_

_she had been conditioned too well to ignore her inbuilt_

_scepticism. In her experience, little was ever as it seemed."_

Raven put the book down on her bed, and closed it with a thud. Was it possible that she was reading a book about herself?

She checked the title. 'Shadows of the Past'. Indeed they were…or so she thought.

What could possibly make her inflict that kind of pointless pain on herself again?

She just had to face it – love wasn't part of her life, and never would be. That didn't stop her reading this romance novel though. She closed her eyes with guilt and anger at her decision to read it.

It had all started about a week ago…

As usual, she'd been down to the gothic bookstore she regularly visited in town. Mitch, the guy behind the counter there, nodded at her entrance.

"Hey, Rae," he had nodded, his lip ring twisted up as he gave a small smile. "What's new?"

"Nothing, as usual," Raven had stated, dully. She'd idly picked up a few books covered in a dark sheen with symbols printed on the front.

"Raven…"

The voice had drawn her away from her browsing.

"Hmm?" she'd replied, turning to the counter. Mitch had beckoned her over and handed her this book. She'd looked shocked and surprised at the…light hearted nature of the book, considering where they were.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Trust me on this one, kid. It's…heh, to use the old cliché one of those books that shouldn't be judged by their covers. I know you'll like it. Take it, on the house, eh?"

"On the house…that's a bit—"

"You're my only regular customer!"

And so, Raven had taken the book, out of politeness more than anything – and shoved it to the bottom of her pile, hoping never to look at it.

Yet it intrigued her…it compelled her to read it. Earlier that morning, through sheer boredom and frustration at her curiosity she had picked up the glossy paperback and started to read.

Presently, she let out a solemn sigh, regarding the happy faces of the couple on the cover. Deceptive indeed.

"If you're so like me," whispered Raven to the book. "Then how come it works for you? How can that be possible?"

Her gaze reverted to a glare, as she angrily levitated the book and pushed it under her circular mattress.

It was time for meditation. Time to feel the calm, peaceful feeling that she felt when she let go of everything…

When nothing mattered anymore…

She closed her eyes, raised her legs and began to chant.

"Azarath…Metrion…Zinth—"

"Raven!" came a sudden voice at the door. Instinctively, her hood was pulled up as her feet made contact with the linoleum.

She slid her door open a few inches and gazed out at the bright red colour with was darting around. Raven blinked a few times then identified it as hair.

Starfire.

"Raven, I wish to speak with you…"

"Oh, Starfire…this isn't another one of those 'why is it that words that are spelt the same possess different meanings' type of conversation is it? Because I really don't have—"

"Raven, please," came a pleading, small voice from the gap in the metallic sheet.

Raven's eyes narrowed at the sudden realisation that Starfire didn't seem her usual self. A lone green eye came into view in the split, and met with her own lilac one – and Raven acknowledged that there were tears forming in the corners.

Without another argument, Raven pushed the door open and allowed entry to the Tameranian.

"Starfire," she began, in a gentle voice. "What's the matter?"

The door slid shut behind the Tameranian, and Starfire slid to her knees, and began blubbering helplessly.

Raven's eyes widened completely, and she twitched nervously, not sure what to do.

"Uhh, Star?"

The Tameranian didn't even recognize that the gothic teen had spoken. That was when a motherly instinct began to set in to Raven's usually calm nature.

She crouched down, and pulled the beautiful alien to her feet, then gently guided her to the bed. She sat down next to her, and pulled her hood down.

With a little reservation, she put her hand on Star's shoulder, in a supportive manner.

Starfire didn't flinch, or seem to notice. She stared straight ahead, tears pouring down her delicate face. Raven was at a loss.

"Starfire?" she tried again, gently shaking the shoulder upon which her hand lay.

Star turned to look at Raven, then burst into tears again. Raven sighed, and levitated a box of tissues towards the girl.

"Take one," she prompted, as Star pulled a blue tissue out and blew on it hard. Raven grabbed a couple of spares, and levitated the box away again.

"Let's hear it from the top," sighed Raven, patting the shoulder soothingly.

"I am—I am…"

"…Yes…?"

"I…I—apologise…but…" Star turned to look at Raven again, and the tears began to fall once more. Raven gave a little groan of annoyance at her own pathetic attempts at rectifying the situation, and made an assertive decision.

"Star, come on. We're going out," she confirmed. They were nineteen years old now, and there was no way that Starfire was going to behave like a child…not in Raven's presence anyway.

Dragging the helpless alien downstairs by the arm, she passed Cyborg, who was chomping on some popcorn. He took one look at Starfire and dropped it.

"Hey…is she—"

"We're going out, Cy," replied Raven, giving Cy a look and a raised eyebrow. Cyborg knew what that meant. 'Girl time…do not disturb.'

He bent down and picked up the popcorn. In all the years he'd known and come to know the Azarathian, he'd also come to know that Raven usually knew best and _definitely_ knew what she was doing.

A few minutes later, Raven landed outside her favourite café. She took one look at Starfire, and changed her mind. A depressing café was the last thing a crying teenager needed. Glancing around, she noticed a smoothie bar which was newly opened. She read the sign quickly.

'Fruity Booster!'

_'Sounds alright,'_ she decided, dragging Star in behind her and sitting down at a table. A blonde, skinny waitress sidled up, complete with Barbie-pink outfit and pink bubblegum.

"Can I get'cha anything, dolls?" she drawled, popping her gum noisily.

"Uhm, yeah," replied Raven, glancing over the drinks menu. "I'll take a mango smoothie…what do you want, Star?"

The alien looked up. "I will have a…have a—"

She erupted into tears again. Raven rolled her eyes and emitted the smallest of smiles.

"She'll have the same," she confirmed. The waitress gave an understanding nod. The blonde turned to leave and Raven had a sudden thought.

"Actually…instead of the second smoothie…uhh…this is going to sound weird…but do you have any mustard?"

"Uh…I think we've got a can or two in the back…why?"

"Could we have one? We'll pay for it…"

"You can have one of those on the house, sweetie. Though I'm not sure why…"

"It would scar you for life if you knew," replied Raven sardonically. "If you don't mind, that'd be great."

The pink-clad girl sidled off with a mixed expression of confusion and amusement. Raven turned back to Star, who had calmed down to a sniffle.

"You alright?"

"Yes…I think so…"

"You need another of these?" asked Raven, handing her another blue tissue she'd salvaged earlier. Starfire took it with a smile.

"Thank you, friend. You have been most wonderful…I cannot thank you enough."

"Never mind that, Star," Raven insisted, shaking her hand at the comment, then reverting to her dull tones. "Would you care to tell me something?"

"What?"

"Uhm, maybe why you came into my room, fell on the floor and cried incessantly until about two minutes ago?"

"Oh…yes…that," Starfire chuckled, but there was a tired sound at the end of it, and she shifted her emerald eyes onto the floor.

The waitress returned and put the drinks on the table.

"A mango smoothie for you…and… uh…one pot of mustard…"

Starfire took it without even looking up and muttered:

"Thank you very much…"

The waitress looked dumbfounded, and walked away shaking her head. Starfire pulled the straw out of the dispenser and pushed it into the mustard, sighing heavily.

"He did it again, didn't he?" asked Raven, quietly, looking at her mango smoothie and swirling around the straw.

"Yes," replied Star, her eyes still affixed on that uninteresting spot on the floor. She gave a little gasp of breath and then looked up.

"It's not that I am being stupid about it – I mean, I may be – but he's being stupid as well…he will not say anything – when he does it is merely…words…and I cannot fathom why – it annoys me so…and I wish to do something but I fear I cannot and – it makes me feel…so…"

"Star, calm down," Raven muttered, perplexedly gazing at the tameranian. "You have to speak with _breaths_ and _pauses_ and preferably some kind of punctuation."

"Apologies…I merely cannot order my thoughts at the moment. But I will try."

Taking a deep breath, the princess began once more.

"I do not understand why he feels he must 'run' away from me…from his feelings…from what I hope he feels. I fear that he will never speak to me the way that I want him to…and feel the way that I want him to…and if he does not feel how I do then I do not understand why he behaves in the manner which he often does--"

"That makes four of us," interrupted Raven, giving a small smile. "Starfire, he's crazy about you. We all know it…he, believe it or not, knows it too…"

"Then why does he behave like a _flornog wharlnoof!_"

"Uhm…good question," replied the gothic teen, raising her eyebrows and taking a sip from her drink. "But you're asking the wrong person. You need to ask Robin."

"That is the reason for which I am crying. I tried to…but he pushed me away. He _always_ pushes me away."

"Robin's scared…of this kind of stuff. He's sort of on my wavelength. Just cause he doesn't say it doesn't mean he doesn't _care_, Star. Infact…he's probably mad at himself for pushing you away…more than you can imagine."

"I do not want to make him do or feel anything that he does not want to," countered Star, her wisdom flashing behind her green eyes. "But I fear that my heart cannot wait forever. And what if it does not? What if there is another who can make him understand better than I can?"

"Starfire, I…don't know much about this stuff. But if there's one thing I _do_ know…no one speaks to Robin like you can. You and him share an…affinity…you share some kind of unspoken bond. That can't be broken."

"You truly believe this?" asked Starfire, her eyes shining with hope. Raven nodded.

"I truly believe it. Robin's your soulmate. There's someone for everyone, Star. I know that."

"You too shall find that someone Raven…that is what I believe," Starfire interjected, causing Raven to look up. Her eyes narrowed, as she watched the tameranian slurp the mustard.

"That's different. That's…way different…"

"No, it is not. Raven…I know how much you were hurt…but that does not mean that it's the end of your love life…"

"Star, there's a much _bigger_ problem. Even if I want to love, I can't let my barriers down again. There's too much at stake."

"Do you not hear yourself? That is merely an excuse to push the truth away!" Starfire smiled brightly. "I am…in love with Robin…and that is something which I cannot describe to anyone…and if he were to ever forsake me –"

"He wont," cut in Raven, glowering. Starfire glared back defiantly.

"If he were to forsake me, then I am sure I should feel how you do now. But, is it not _worth _the good side of love, to risk it? I believe that the answer is yes. And I also believe that if you look deep inside yourself you will too."

"If I look deep inside myself, I see what a fool I was in the past. I was kidding myself last time, Star. Love isn't for me."

"You were the happiest you've ever been. Love _is_ for you. Love is for everyone," countered Starfire, frowning. Raven sighed.

"This isn't about me. This is about you and Robin, okay?"

"Do you not think that I know?"

"Of course…you came to me about it and—"

"No, not that! Do you not think that I know what day it is?"

Raven swallowed guiltily, and tried to maintain her cool. She took a deep breath.

"What day would that be?" she asked, icily, trying to maintain her composure.

Starfire rolled her eyes. "You know what day it is _better_ than I do! It is exactly two years ago since the first day with Malchior, correct?"

"Oh…yes. That," replied Raven, looking at the smoothie. "That."

"Yes, indeed. That is what ails you. That is why you are so bitter today, correct?"

"I'm never _bitter_. I'm never anything like that," shrugged Raven, drinking the mango smoothie and then biting the straw angrily. "I'm just…me."

"We would not want you any other way, friend."

Raven looked up. Starfire was beaming at her. Raven blinked.

"Are you the girl who was blubbering about ten minutes ago?"

"Yes, that was I," answered Starfire, guiltily, shaking her head and blushing. "I apologise. It is just that…when Robin gets cross at me…it makes me cry."

"Hold up…he got _cross_ at you?"

"Yes. He said 'Starfire, you have to accept that I can't talk about this. Can you stop bugging me about it now?'…or something like that," finished Star, obviously reciting it word for word. Every syllable had struck her like a whip and engraved itself in her mind. Raven let her hand wander over her chakra.

'_Idiot_,' she scalded, mentally cursing the stupidity of the boy. '_What are you doing?_'

"I do not think that I make the situation any easier. I get annoyed that he will not share…perhaps I am to hard on him."

"Don't worry, I'm sure it's not that. He's obviously got something on his mind…" Raven replied, thoughtfully.

"Perhaps…" Starfire looked away. Then her eyes lit up. "Maybe you could speak with him?"

"Me? Uhm, Star…I dunno…"

"Please? It would be wondrous for me if you could…you understand his present feelings better that I…and possibly better than him…"

"Okay…okay…" relented the Azarathian, sighing heavily.

_'She knew many people believed that ice ran in her veins_

_instead of blood. Neither the words nor the speculation_

_that went on behind her back hurt her any more, not after_

_all that had happened so many years ago.'_

Raven shook her head as the words pushed their way into her mind then disappeared again.

"I'll try…but I'm promising nothing, Star!"

"WONDROUS!" shouted Starfire, clapping her hands together. Raven rolled her eyes.

"Glad to see you're feeling better," she muttered, sarcastically. Star blushed violently, and looked at the floor.

"I already apologised…"

"I know…I was being ironic…oh never mind," Raven sighed, giving up. "I _am_ pleased that your better…but next time you feel like that, try _not_ to freak me out by not telling me anything – okay?"

"Agreed," gushed Star, grabbing Raven's hand and shaking it aggressively.

"What are you—"

"Is this not the method which earthlings use to seal a deal?"

"They shake it, not dislocate it," uttered the Azarathian rubbing her sore fingers. "Ow."

Starfire laughed whole heartedly, and slurped the end of her mustard.

"Would you wish to return to the tower?"

"I…um…actually no," admitted Raven, feeling a little guilty. "I don't…"

"You are more upset than you are telling me, Raven."

"I'm _not_…it's just that…well…I see him everywhere in my room…I can't meditate…"

"Perhaps you should try the park? It is nice this time of day and peaceful. Would I be allowed to meditate with you…?"

"Sure, why not," agreed Raven, giving a half smile and shaking her hair out of her eyes. "I guess we could try the park."

"Raven…I have another question…"

Raven slurped the rest of her smoothie up a little more noisily than intended. She looked up again.

"Hmm?"

"I…wondered whether perhaps your affections lie elsewhere…presently?"

"No," replied Raven, dully. "My affections are non existent both presently and in the time to come. I appreciate what your saying Star, but it's not me. I don't want to do anything like that again…and nothing you can say is going to change that."

"Perhaps you are right. Nothing _I_ can say will change it. But perhaps one day someone will explain it better than I can. Perhaps a person who loves you will explain it…properly."

"Perhaps," nodded Raven, emotionlessly, more to stop Star talking than anything.

She'd lied greatly that day. She was in fact in immense pain at the moment. So immense that she didn't want to think about it.

Malchior, the lies, the betrayal, the pain attacked her like there was no tomorrow. The 'gashes' in her heart were as raw as they were the day he'd put them there. And as much as she wanted to forget, she couldn't.

As much as she wanted to love _someone_ again, she couldn't.

As soon as someone got close, those barriers shot up to protect her. She shut her away inside her shell and pushed all emotions away. She didn't want to feel anything that would remind her of what she'd had and what she'd lost.

Feeling love again would only torment her further. Raven sighed as they walked to the park, and listened to Starfire chirping away about something unimportant.

As they arrived, Raven was pleased for the peace and quiet that meditation brought but it didn't calm her mind in the slightest.

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Thanks! Read and Review! Sorry if I got the Malchior time-scale thing wrong...but its a STORY! It doesn't matter. Enjoy.

-.Chibi.-


	2. The Words Of Comfort

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Avril Lavigne or any of her songs.

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Chapter two – The Words of Comfort

After an hour of meditating reasonably comfortably in the park, Star and Raven headed back to the tower.

"Do you feel more at ease now, friend?" Starfire asked after a few silent minutes had passed. Raven gave her a sidelong glance and paused slightly, thinking about how to word her answer. She settled for the cowards way out.

"Sure. Do you?"

"Oh yes…much, much better!"

"I'm glad to hear it. Good idea about the park, by the way," added Raven, turning her view back forwards and concentrating on levitating.

"Yes, it was a nice setting…"

They speeded up and headed towards their home. Raven veered upwards then skidded to a halt in mid air.

"Friend, is something the matter?" asked Star, stopping and looking concerned.

"Uhm, no," lied Raven, her head throbbing with memories. "I was just thinking, I might go and meditate on the roof for a while…"

"Oh, I understand!" smiled Starfire, but she didn't look one hundred percent convinced of Raven's lie. "I shall go inside, friend. Come down soon, yes?"

"I'll come down as soon as I can," countered Raven, with a small smile. "I'm fine, Star. Honestly."

"I believe you, Raven!" laughed the Tameranian, giving a little wave then flying downwards.

_'You shouldn't,'_ thought Raven, guiltily as she flew towards the roof.

_"In her experience, little was ever as it seemed."_

As her feet touched the cement roof, she cursed the fact that she had decided to read the book – and that the words seemed to be indented on her brain. She sighed and walked towards the edge of the roof.

Sitting in the air, her normal meditative position, she looked out over the sunset.

Truthfully, Raven didn't _want_ to meditate right now. She just wanted to sit and think…and the roof was a nice place to do so.

She remembered that this was where she had sent him back…

Where she had fought the one she thought she loved…

That she thought had loved her back…

_"The painful lessons of past hurt still cast their shadow over_

_her."_

Swallowing all the memories, she tried to merge herself with the dusky sky, and become one with the nature.

She didn't want to think…she didn't want to breathe…she didn't want to love…she didn't want to hate…

She just wanted to _be_.

That was all there ever would be for her now. Now that she was alone…

"Raven?"

Her numbness seeped away as she returned to normality. She gave a little sigh of disappointment.

"Yes?"

The green changeling walked over to her, as she floated down onto the floor – choosing to stay sitting down in her present position, rather than to stand up.

"Sorry to interrupt—"

"You weren't."

Beast boy dropped down next to her and looked out towards the sunset.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Raven was enjoying his company – even though he didn't say a word, she knew what he was probably thinking.

_"Long-buried emotions threatened to bubble to the surface when she was_

_around him."_

Raven heard the words ringing in her head, as freshly as when she had read them. She frowned.

_'Quiet,'_ she commanded, glowering at all of her emotions.

"Raven…are you alright?"

"Yeah, just thinking. Why wouldn't I be okay, Beast boy? I always meditate…you know that."

"I also know what day it is," countered the green shapeshifter looking directly at her. "I'm sorry."

"I'm _fine_," insisted Raven, glaring defiantly at the sun. Her defence mechanisms were kicking in, full throttle. "Everyone keeps on acting like I'm still cut up about it! It was two years ago, Beast boy…I can move on – I have moved on…"

"If you've moved on, why are you getting so angry?" questioned BB, sensibly. "There's nothing wrong with feeling _hurt_. I've felt it too, you know."

"I know," replied the gothic teen, quietly. "But I'm okay—"

"So am I," interrupted BB, smiling. "I'm _okay_. But there's a difference between being okay and happy."

"I'm never happy."

"I don't believe that," chuckled the shapeshifter, looking out at the horizon. "I remember what you were like when he was around…don't you?"

"I'd prefer not to," countered the Azarathian, her lilac eyes beginning to shine. She swallowed it all down, pushed the emotions away. "I've chosen to get on with my life…"

_"She had survived the pain, the betrayal, the humiliation,_

_and somehow found the strength to go on, hour by hour,_

_day by day, week by week."_

Raven read the words in her mind, and closed her eyes. She brought her knees up and sighed.

"Haven't you done the same?"

"In a way," replied BB, sounding uncertain. "I think back to the good times I had though. Those made me feel happy…so I'm happy when I think of them."

"One problem," growled Raven, closing back inside her shell. "Everything that made me happy was a _lie_. He _betrayed_ me…"

"Terra betrayed me too," sighed Beast boy. "I know it might seem different…but I do understand…"

"Thanks for being concerned," Raven began, her eyes flickering open. "But you don't need to be. Malchior is out of my life…and that's the end of it. The end of anything like _that_ again."

"You want to waste the rest of your life just because you made one mistake?" asked the changeling, incredulously. "Raven, that's stupid! Dude, everyone makes mistakes to _learn_ how to do it right next time. Not to stop them doing it again."

"That's not how it feels," whispered Raven, her barriers slipping momentarily, as she looked at him. She immediately raised them again, closing up tightly.

"It'll never feel any better. Three years and a half on, and I still don't feel any less hurt…but I still want to move on."

"So do I," countered Raven, defensively. Beast boy sighed.

"Then don't act like you're dwelling on the past, Rae. Because as long as you promise yourself never to fall in love again, you aren't _moving on_…you're letting yourself be trapped in your sadness forever."

Raven was astounded that he'd come out with such a profound and intelligent speech. Beast boy knew a little about this though – with his dealings with Terra. He'd obviously spent a lot of time thinking about it. The last few years had matured him incredibly.

She gave a small smile. He was always there for her when she needed him and—

_'Stop it,'_ she commanded herself._ 'STOP this insanity now.'_

_"She found it difficult to accept his attentiveness at face_

_value. Whilst she was most likely doing him a disservice,_

_she had been conditioned too well to ignore her inbuilt_

_scepticism."_

Raven shrugged at the words, internally. She supposed they were true – and so what if they were? She had a right to act how she wanted…she was an adult and old enough to make her own mind up about someone's intentions.

"Yes, I understand what you mean. But I _can't_. I didn't know that love was part of me…and it shocked me that I found it – then it's torn from beneath me and I was hurt and betrayed. For the average person…that's bad…"

"For you…it's the worst possible thing," BB replied, grinning. "Don't forget that me and Cy have been in there—"

He paused, tapping her head gently.

"—we know you _do_ have emotions, dude. As much as you want to push them away. The pinky-happy one laughed at my jokes…the timid one apologised all the time…the brave one fought with us…Raven they're a part of you."

"A part of me which I'm better off without," growled Raven. "They're the ones who cause all the problems. And what's your point anyway?"

"My point, is that you'll never get rid of your emotions…they're what make you…well _you_."

"Uh huh," answered Raven, raising her eyebrow. "And I didn't know this because…?"

"If you know, how come you act like you don't?" countered the green boy. Raven suppressed a small sigh and turned back towards the sky.

"If I push them away, I won't have to deal with them."

"Feeling emotions doesn't make you weak, Raven…it makes you human."

She turned to look at his open, honest, green face. It was complete with trademark toothy grin. She returned the smile – however hers was considerably smaller.

She didn't say a word. She just leant over, and gave him another hug. This time he returned it, holding her tightly.

She felt a warm sensation creeping inside her, and immediately pushed it away, and released him from the hug.

She stood up, and stretched slightly. "I'm going to go downstairs."

"Let's go!" laughed Beast boy, running on in front of her. Raven rolled her eyes, and took a deep breath. She pressed her emotions back as far as they would go.

_"It had become easier with the passing of time – easier to_

_exist if not to accept – but she still could remember how_

_it had been. She never wanted to experience anything_

_like it again."

* * *

_

As they walked into the room, Raven heard some music piping out of the TV. She glanced up.

Robin was sitting on the sofa, flicking through the music channels.

_"He was everything, everything that I wanted…"_ sang Avril Lavigne, in her quiet tones. _"We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it…"_

Beast boy looked sideways at Raven, who glanced back emotionlessly and shrugged.

Internally, the words echoed around her head, until she had the urge to smash her cranium against the wall. Instead, she settled upon shaking it gently.

"Uhm, Robin?" tried BB, giving a gentle cough. "Dude?"

Robin turned around, his brow furrowed. He wasn't _really_ watching the channels – Raven knew that straight away. She could sense that his mind was troubled.

Starfire. She smiled internally.

Raven was right about him – of course he cared really…one emotion was burning brightly to the empath – guilt. Probably from the earlier argument with Starfire.

Robin acknowledged that the song could have implications upon Raven. He hastily flicked the channel over, and the gothic teen raised her eyebrows at him.

"Don't change it on my account," she stated, dully. Inside, she bubbled with relief. She was seriously considering making a hasty exit.

"No, it's fine…I wasn't really watching anyway," answered Robin, truthfully, still looking distracted. He blinked as if to clear his thoughts. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's cool," smiled Beast boy, giving a thumbs up. "…Where's Cy?"

"Beats me. Down with the T-car…I mean his 'baby'…probably. Why?"

"Oh, nothing really," laughed the changeling, giving a small grin. "I'll see you dudes later, I just want to go speak to him quickly."

He turned to give Raven one last look. His eyebrows were raised, questioning her feelings. She gave the slightest of nods, implying that she was alright. BB understood and walked off, without another word.

However…other people needed more than a simple nod.

"Sure you're okay, Raven?"

"Yes," snarled Raven, angered by everyone suddenly prying into her private life. "But you won't be if you ask me that again…"

"Okay," laughed Robin, submitting and turning back to face the window. The screen had disappeared, revealing the dusky light which was highlighting the city. Robin let out a small sigh.

Raven walked over and sat next to him. "How about you?"

"Hmm?" asked the Boy Wonder, turning to look at Raven. "Oh, yeah…fine."

Raven let out a small sarcastic laugh. "I'm an empath, Robin. You don't need to lie to me."

"Oh…I forgot that," admitted Robin, fiddling with his gloves absentmindedly. "It's nothing really…"

"It's _something_ that's making you feel guilty, distracted and upset. So that makes it sound like something to me."

"I just had a small row with Starfire…nothing major."

"Ah," responded the Azarathian, softly. She was acting nonchalant to protect his pride. She knew that it was important to him, and she trod softly upon his feelings. "So…want to talk about it?"

"Not really," sighed Robin, running a hand through his hair. "I'd like to forget about it. But seeing as that isn't an option…I guess I'll opt for talking about it."

"A simple yes would have sufficed," joked Raven, dryly. She gave a small smile, and indicated for him to continue.

"I…just find this whole communicating thing really hard…I'm not very good at talking to Star about…_that_ kind of stuff…" Robin hesitated, looking down. Raven could see him blushing slightly.

"Well," suggested Raven, softly. "It seems hard…but think about what you're doing it for…why you need to do it…"

"…You know don't you?" asked Robin, tentatively. "About what I think…"

"Robin, even _Beast boy_ knowshow you feel about Starfire. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out," replied the gothic teen, sarcastically.

She paused slightly, thoughts drifting about her head. "I think that Star understands…but you've got to do something, Robin, otherwise you've got a good chance of losing her."

Robin looked up towards Raven, his face giving away trepidation. She could sense that he was feeling fright and anguish. She praised herself for using the fear factor so well.

Death, fights and pain weren't what frightened Robin. What frightened him most was losing Starfire…

Raven thought back to what Star had said to her earlier. "Her heart might not wait around forever, Robin. Just…think about it. What's more important to you? Saving face, or Starfire?"

"Do you even need to ask?" replied Robin, his hands shaking slightly. Raven wondered if she'd pushed to far.

"Listen," she soothed, placing a hand on his shoulder, supportively. "I'm not asking you to pour your heart out about _everything_…just tell her how you feel. You only have to do it once, Robin. Then it'll become easier."

"That sounds like a voice of experience," laughed Robin, trying to lighten the mood. Raven pulled her hand away, and pulled her hood back up again. Robin looked around and cursed himself.

"Uhm, Raven…I'm sorry…I didn't mean—"

"I know," answered Raven dully, her heart throbbing and aching. She blinked and took a deep breath, reminding herself that she was doing this for the sake of some people who might _actually_ be happy.

"It's fine, honestly. I am speaking out of experience. Out of experience of knowing Starfire. What she's told me – past and present. And what she will tell you in the future, if you follow your heart."

Raven blinked herself back to her emotionless state. Robin seemed to digest the Azarathian's words, as his eyes adjusted to the lights of the city which had just become visible in the fading sunlight.

He stood up and walked to the window, touching the glass and then sighing. Raven faltered, looking at the anguish…perhaps it was her fault.

_"She knew many people believed that ice ran in her veins_

_instead of blood."_

Standing up anyway, she walked towards her bedroom, without another word.

"Raven?"

She stopped and half-turned around, still silent and pensive.

Robin turned away from the window. There was a smile on his face, and he seemed to have found some renewed inner strength.

"Thanks…for all the advice…"

Raven nodded, still emotionless, and turned back to the dark corridor. She was glad, inside, that she had made a possible difference to the relationship between two of her friends. They would be so perfect, so happy and so strong together.

She didn't foresee any betrayal or mistrust in the future – save the return of Slade again.

Amidst the darkness, a teardrop fell onto the polished floor, unnoticed by anyone but the teen who felt so alone.

* * *

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far. And Blue – I'm at Uni now, remember? So, email me or something, be great to hear from you! **

**I like this chapter. That's all I have to say for the moment.**

**-.Chibi.-**


	3. The Words Of A Beast

**A/N: Sorry about the depressive-ness! Hehehe, hopefully this chapter will be lighter.

* * *

**

Chapter three – The Words of a Beast

"Cy? Yo, Cyborg!" shouted the shapeshifter, walking aimlessly around the garage. He paused, feeling the futile nature of his wanderings. He paused again, shocked that he knew a word like _futile_. Shaking himself out of it, the way that a dog would, he glanced around.

"Cy…_borrrggg_," he called out, in a sing-song voice. "_Someone's_ here to see you!"

Cyborg slid out from underneath the car, a hopeful look on his cybernetic face. He beamed at the boy.

"Really? Who!"

"ME, idiot!" snarled Beast boy, glaring at him. "Why didn't you come out before?"

"I…uh—well…um…you see—it's kinda like…"

"Hello! I'm supposed to be your best friend!" shouted BB, growling, and leaning against the side.

"Alright, don't shout in front of _her_," whispered Cy, wiping his hands on a rag as he stood up. "I was just havin' some alone time with my baby…and I didn't want to be disturbed…"

Beast boy rolled his eyes and pouted slightly. "Well…you seemed happy to come out when you thought someone else was here to see you! Who might that be, Cy?"

"No one!" insisted Cyborg, blushing furiously, and waving his hands about in a frenzy. Beast boy loved making him squirm. He smiled, winningly.

"Was it _Jinxy_?"

"Shut up, man!" growled Cyborg, glowering at the green teenager. Beast boy erupted into laughter, and Cy blushed a deeper shade of crimson, before reverting to look as if he were about to explode.

"Alright, you oversized grass stain, you've got twenty seconds to say why you came down here…and it had better be good!"

Beast boy stopped laughing abruptly. "Oh…yeah…heh, _that_…"

"Yeah, _THAT_…" agreed Cyborg, sarcastic and still fuming. "Get on with it!"

"It's sort of…something I need to talk to you about seriously, Cyborg…"

Cyborg took a deep breath and let out a massive sigh, which blew some metal dust across the desk.

He perched himself on a stool, and ran a hand over his smooth head.

"Alright, man…I'm listening, yeah? But please…don't let it be anything that makes me want to: A. Revoke our friendship…B. Be frightened of you for the rest of my life…or C. Be so serious that it makes me want to blubber like a baby…cause that's just not right!" listed Cyborg, with a hint of humour.

Beast boy rolled his eyes. "Are you finished?"

"Does it fit one of those categories?"

"No!" exclaimed Beast boy, slapping his forehead. "Cy, this is something I've decided to tell _you_…and I want you to take it seriously, okay?"

"Alright…alright…"

Now it was Beast Boy's turn to take a deep breath and let out a sigh, before starting to talk.

"You know since like…well what happened with Terra…"

"Yeah?"

"Well…I haven't…you know…_liked_ anyone. Well not in the way that I like Terra anyway."

Cyborg's face lit up into a massive smile. He rubbed his hands together. "Oooh, I'm gonna get you back…I'm gonna make you wish that—"

"CYBORG!" yelled the green shapeshifter, glaring. Cy lapsed back into silence again, wiping the smile from his face. He raised his eyebrow.

"That serious, huh?"

"It's…not as simple as it seems, man," sighed BB, who seemed to be extremely pensive. Cyborg put his head on one side and sniffed.

"So…the person you like is already seeing someone?"

"Uhm, not exactly…" began Beast boy, letting out a small and nervous laugh. "But she is sort of hung up on the past…"

"In what way, B?"

"In the sense that she…uh…she's doesn't want to fall in love…ever again…like _ever_…"

"Ah huh. And you're sure of this?"

"Yeah. She told me so herself."

"Oh my God," began Cyborg, the smile which had been playing upon his lips disappearing completely. Instead it was replaced by a look of genuine concern and incredulity. "You like _Raven_, don't you?"

"How did you—"

"The description was pretty straight forward," chuckled the android, fiddling with an electronic chip. "Considering what happened 2 years ago today…"

"What do I do?"

Cyborg looked up, and blinked. "I don't know, man. I really don't."

"That's really helpful," countered BB, sardonically.

"Look, B…man…" began Cyborg, very quietly and gently. "I don't want you to worry but…you do know that Raven is serious about what she says?"

"I know that, Cy…but it's more complicated on my part as well…see…I don't just _like_ her…I…sort of…um…"

"No, please don't say what I think you're going to say…"

"Okay…"

"NO! Say it…go on…"

"Make your mind up," breathed Beast Boy, rubbing his hands together, and looking at the floor. "I sort of…_love_ her…"

"Aww, no…you said it…"

"I said it…I can't believe I actually said it," replied the changeling looking up and blinking in disbelief. "I said it!"

"Yeah you did…and it's not somethin' _good_, B!"

"I know…I'm so stupid," whispered the shapeshifter, shuddering. "Stupid to think that I even stand a shot…"

"No you're not," scalded Cy, putting his hand on Beast boy's arm, softly. "That's not what I meant…"

He paused, taking a deep breath and searched for the words to continue.

"Raven likes you as a good friend…there's no doubt in my mind that in a normal situation, the possibility of you dating would be…not improbable—"

"Hey!"

"—but the point is," continued Cy, evenly. "That this isn't a normal situation. Raven's been deeply hurt. She doesn't express emotions very well and she is finding this hard enough as it is. Do you think it's wise to…y'know act on these feelings?"

"Honestly…I wasn't going to do anything about it," replied BB, frankly. "I just needed to tell someone…"

"I understand, man. And I think you're doing the right thing," confirmed Cyborg, giving the arm a little squeeze. "Just be there for her, and things _might_ work out."

"She…just hugged me again…on the roof," sighed the green teenager, his shoulders slumping slightly. "It felt so…_right_…"

"That's a start, B…think about it…for Raven, a hug is the most intimate you're gonna get for a long while…"

"That's true," conceded Beast boy. "Dude…thanks for listening…I appreciate what you said…but I'm not going to give up on her."

"No one ever said you should. Just…be careful, okay?"

"Careful…?"

"Yeah – don't do anything hasty…you wouldn't want to endanger your friendship, would you? Cause at least if nothing else, you'll _always_ have that."

"You're right. You're so right…why don't I talk to you about this stuff more often?"

"Maybe because we spend most of our time arguing, teasing each other and playing gamestation?"

"Dude," confirmed Beast boy, smiling. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Neither would I!" laughed the metallic man, slapping BB on the back and standing up. The changeling leapt to his feet as well, feeling a little lighter than earlier. The weight still pressed upon him – but he'd always have hope…that was one thing that not even fate could take away from him.

"I'll leave you to it, then…"

"Thanks, man! My baby needs lots of care and attention…"

Beast boy laughed. "She's looking good…very…uh…sparkly!"

"Thanks…you think so? Cause I've been polishing her up and…hold up! Did you just give me a compliment?"

"There's a first time for everything man…but this wasn't it. I complimented the _car_…not you!" he chirped and ran out of the room, his laugh echoing round the corridor.

"Yeah, you'd better run!" yelled Cy after him. But he had a smile on his face, as he continued polishing the automobile with the fresh rag.

* * *

Raven sat in the familiar surroundings of her room. Time had passed since her conversation with Robin, and she had calmed herself down somewhat.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…" she whispered, a cool breeze flowing freely through her mind. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes slowly.

Darkness enveloped her and made her feel comfortable. In the dark, no one could see her hopes and fears, nor judge her. It made her feel _safe_.

Raven stood up, and walked towards the bed stretching. With a short glance at her clock, she knew that it was around eleven thirty. Perhaps she should turn in…

Giving a quick sideways glance to the chest in her room she sighed. To think that two years ago, she'd been so happy…so sure that someone was going to be there for her…to hold her and make her feel loved and safe.

Swallowing her thoughts, and pushing away the emotions was like a reflex now. Like a second nature. Without pausing again, she removed her cloak and draped it over the seat.

Sliding beneath the cool sheets, Raven shuddered slightly and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the slightest pang of sorrow that she was all alone.

As she struggled to get comfortable, words echoed around her head:

_"Nervous and wary, she was reluctant to let their association_

_take even the smallest step onward…"_

_"…and somehow found the strength to go on, hour by hour,_

_day by day, week by week…"_

_"…whilst she was most likely doing him a disservice,_

_she had been conditioned too well to ignore her inbuilt_

_scepticism."_

_"…in her experience, little was ever as it seemed…"_

_"…little was ever as it seemed…"_

_"…ever as it seemed…"_

_"…it seemed…"_

Raven sat bolt upright in the bed, clutching a fistful of her hair as well as the dark linen.

"QUIET!" she commanded, as the thoughts bubbled down to a mere simmer in her brain. She took a deep breath, and realised that she had broken out in a cold sweat. Slowly, she released the bed covers and stretched out on the murky bed.

"This is becoming so tiresome," stated Raven out loud, pushing herself to her feet and shaking her head wearily.

'_What's the matter with me?'_ she asked herself, as the clock blinked at her brightly in the half light. _'What am I thinking?'_

She walked to the window and placed her hands across it slowly, looking out onto the familiar setting of the city. Her hot breath left smoky trails on the smooth glass.

"I need to get out…"

Without another thought, she grabbed for the midnight blue cloak which rested across the chair and swung it around her shoulders.

Her door opened with a gentle hiss…not enough to disturb the other titans. Glancing left to right slowly, she made her way past the rooms hearing the soft snores coming from within.

She reached the stairs and breathed a small sigh of relief. Levitating, she flew down them with ease, and towards the downstairs window.

Not wanting to disturb Cyborg's security systems, she decided upon materialising through it. As she began to do so, she mentally cursed herself.

_'Why didn't I do that in my room?'_

It occurred to the half demon at that second, that her mind was evidently distracted – sufficiently so to make her forget her own powers. Breathing another heavy sigh, she made it to the cool early morning air.

There was no breeze to ruffle her, merely a clear sky which was littered with bright stars. They glinted at her and she looked up at them, feeling filled with some unknown source.

Turning to give the tower a short look, she shook her head. "I guess it's not the best idea I've ever had…but I have to get away for tonight…sorry I couldn't talk to you guys…"

Raven was wondering where she could go to take her mind off the upheaval of her thoughts as she flew off the shore.

It was two thirty in the morning…not a lot of choice then…

As Raven landed in the centre of the town, she realised that it was brimming with night life. Nothing sinister – merely fun loving _normal_ teens, going to parties…some of them getting drunk…some of them smoking…it didn't really matter to them. They were all enjoying some form of merriment.

Raven rolled her eyes at their drunken displays and hyperactive antics. She shrugged, and decided to walk in the exact opposite direction to them.

"Hey tootz!" two drunks hollered at her. She glared at them emotionlessly.

"Oh, please…"

Striding straight past, she saw the 'Fruity Booster!' where she and Starfire had been earlier that day. It was still open. Confused, Raven walked up to the notices outside and glanced over them.

"Open twenty four hours, every day!" was written in bright blue letters on a pink background. Raven shrugged, and glanced wistfully over at her depressing café…but it had long since closed.

Pushing the swinging transparent doors open slowly, Raven looked around the room. It still looked exactly as it had done earlier that day…except for the fact that there was barely anyone in there…

Raven went up and sat at the counter, spotting the same waitress they'd had before. The gothic teen waited expectantly, to catch the blonde's attention.

It was to no avail. The blonde was seemingly bored, and half asleep, gazing lazily at a magazine.

"Uhm…miss?" Raven began, dully. The blonde looked up slowly, recognition on her pale face.

"Oh, hey! Mustard girl…right?"

"Uhm…more like _friend_ of mustard girl…but close enough."

The pink clad woman popped her gum. "Sure, sweetie. Can I get'cha anything?"

"Same as before please," replied the Azarathian, looking down at her hands and closing her eyes. There was a sound of a juicer and then some liquid being poured into a cup.

"There y'are!" smiled the waitress, brightly, handing the cup to Raven. The half demon looked up, resignedly and managed the smallest of smiles.

"Thank you," she responded, taking the cup and pushing a straw into it slowly. She took the time to glance at the name tag of the waitress. In big swirly dark letters on a gold plated background it read:

"HI! I'm CAROL, your waitress for the day!"

Raven rolled her eyes at the annoying nature of the commercial world, and was glad she wasn't a part of it.

"If it's not a rude question," began Carol, cleaning a dirty cup and examining it closely. Raven jumped at the sudden speech, but looked up expectantly.

"If it's not a rude question," repeated Carol, uncertainly. "What brings you here so late?"

"Couldn't sleep," replied Raven, truthfully. "Needed to think. Get some air."

"Ah," nodded the blonde, putting the cup down and leaning on the side, slowly. "Got problems?"

Raven thought about her many ailments, and sighed. "You could say that."

"Well, best to sort them out then, honey!"

The gothic teen looked up, imploringly and raised her eyebrow. "Obviously."

"Well, sitting here in a smoothie bar drinking juice isn't sorting them out, if you don't mind me saying," replied Carol, cheerfully. "It looks more like running away from them to me."

"Does it really," stated Raven with little interest, sucking the juice through a straw. "Well it's not."

"Whatever you say," laughed the waitress, openly. "I'm not complaining. Any business is good business…and as you can see, we aren't so busy this time of night."

"I noticed," nodded the Azarathian, glancing around the room. There was one old man in the corner, looking half drunk and half asleep with a smoothie and a doughnut. "Is he a regular?"

Carol laughed appreciatively. "He might as well be. If you ask me, this twenty four hour thing is ridiculous. We might as well close for all of the custom we get."

"But then, where would wandering people like me come for a drink at two thirty in the morning?"

"Two forty five," corrected Carol, grinning. "I guess you're right, though. I don't make the rules – my uncle does. He owns this place, and I just work here."

"I was going to mention it earlier – how come you've been on a shift for so long?"

"With so little trade there's little need for many staff. Me, my elder sister, and cousin alternate days, doing a twenty four hour shift each. It's easy enough to take breaks…there's no one to serve half the time!"

"Ooh, sounds like fun," stated Raven, dryly. Her mind was beginning to wander again. Thoughts of Malchior and her powers and emotions were bubbling up inside her calm shell, threatening to explode everywhere…

"Is your friend alright now?"

"Hmm?"

"Your friend," repeated Carol, cleaning another few glasses out. "The Mustard Girl…"

"Oh…yeah…she's fine. She just fell out with her…uhm…boyfriend…"

Internally, Raven grinned cruelly at herself. Calling Robin Starfire's _boyfriend_ was a little forward to say the least…but it was inevitable for the future.

"She's a pretty little girl, I'm not surprised that someone's snapped her up! Though her eating habits are a little…strange…"

"She's not from around here," explained Raven, slowly. "She's got some strange customs."

"Yeah, I guess. But still…drinking mustard…ICK!" shuddered Carol, shaking her head in utter disbelief. "And what about yourself? You're a good lookin' gal – got yourself a good lookin' guy, have you?"

It was a fair question from someone who knew so very little about Raven and her situation. But it sparked a hundred emotions inside her, causing a nearby salt holder to fly off the table. Raven stopped it mid air with her powers, before the salt scattered everywhere.

She sighed. "Saved you a job…but now I've opened up a chasm of questions…"

Gently, Raven levitated the salt holder and it's contents into the bin. Carol was agog.

"Wow…that was amazing, honey!"

"Not really…"

"It was! I've never seen anything like it…you and your friend aren't just ordinary teenagers…"

"You saw us walk in…me in a cloak, with lilac hair and a gem in my forehead…her with orange skin and wearing tight lycra clothes and you're telling me you thought that we were _normal_?" asked Raven, incredulously yet sarcasm was evident in her soft voice.

"Well…I thought you were a little extravagant, admittedly!" laughed Carol. "But I never would have thought you could do _that_."

Pausing, as if remembering some long forgotten memory, Carol began to shake her finger slowly as recognition dawned on her wan face.

"Hey…you're a teen titan, aren't you? I heard one of my customers talking about it. I'm new to this city…"

"So I noticed. Well, yes. I am a Teen Titan…but let's just leave it at that, shall we?" Raven asked, rolling her eyes and slurping some more of her smoothie. "In answer to your earlier question…no, I don't have a boyfriend."

"You _don't_?" reiterated Carol, her blue eyes wide with confusion. "Well, stone me down! You look to me like the sort of girl that would be up by some handsome fella in an instant! There's no one you've got your sights on?"

"I sort of…had a bad experience…2 years ago today…so I'm not looking for anyone right now."

"There's_ no one_ you like?" persisted Carol. Raven looked at her evenly and shook her head. Like a second nature, the shell was closing around her and she locked herself away tight.

_"It had been so long since she had allowed herself to feel_

_anything that this attraction, interest, empathy, whatever_

_it was that she had about him, alarmed her."_

"No. There's no one I like."

* * *

**As I already said, I own Carol. Don't steal her! **

**Ah the plot thickens.**

**Thanks to all reviewers! I hope more people will show interest in this story. I love writing it.**

**-.Chibi.-**


	4. The Words Of Tiredness

**FORGIVE ME FOR NOT UPDATING:hides from flying shoes:**

**I'm really sorry – had so much on recently. I will be updating this story to the end, so stick with it! I love it so much – please read and review! **

* * *

Chapter four - The Words of Tiredness

It was long past the early rays of sun, before Raven made the journey back to her home.

She made a small sighing sound as she passed through her window with ease. The whole night to think, breathe and understand…but she felt no better. A new day was dawning, but Raven's heart was set in stone.

Once more, she threw her shoes and cape off before crawling into the bed. As the covers settled around her scrawny figure, she let out a small breath and slowly closed her heavy lids.

Daylight was shining through her window by this point, and making her back warm with the heat. She snuggled further down, drifting deeper into the state of unconsciousness, letting her dreams take over, letting her mind settle and—

**BANG BANG.**

Raven sat bolt upright once more in the bed, and muttered rather angrily:

"WHAT?"

There was a strangulated noise on the other side of the door.

"Raven, are you awake…?"

'_I am now_,' thought the gothic teen, ruefully, as she got out of the dark bed. Robin had better have a fantastic reason for dragging her out of bed at…

She glanced at the clock.

…six in the morning.

"Robin, what _is_ it?" she retorted, swinging her cape on and levitating her shoes onto her pale feet.

"Sorry to bother you…but it's early combat practice day today…"

Raven cursed herself for completely forgetting their monthly ritual. Once a month _every_ month, without fail, the titans had an early combat practice day.

The combat practice would run on until ten-ish, where upon they would have a good breakfast and rest for the other part of the day. It was a good time to spend with each other as a 'bonding' thing, as well as training them for battle.

Usually, Raven was the first one up…agile and ready…her mind prepared to fight. The last one up was usually the green changeling, who would yawn and complain about the fact that his sleep was being disturbed.

Not today, obviously.

Raven raked a hand through her messed up hair and slid her door open, walking out. The Boy Wonder looked nervous for disturbing her, but his look of astonishment continued when she walked out.

"Uhm, Raven? Are you okay?" he questioned, evenly. Raven had completely neglected to put her hood up during the rush from her room.

She had bags under her eyes…her face was even more sullen than normal, and her eyes were shining dully.

Blinking, the Azarathian raised her hood with her powers and narrowed her lilac eyes. "Fine."

She began to walk off towards the front door, in a determined manner. Robin fell in step with her.

"Are you sure…you don't look so good," he reiterated, indicating to her face. Raven glanced at him sidelong.

"I said I was fine, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did but—"

"Then I'm _fine_," countered Raven, nodding her head curtly. However, she was far from fine. Her legs and arms ached with tiredness, her mind reeled with lethargy and she was having problems keeping her eyes open.

'_Concentrate…focus_,' she told herself, angrily. '_What's a little sleep? You need to prepare your mind for the task ahead_.'

Robin gave a little exasperated sigh and left the silence after her words.

Raven felt a small pang of guilt. He was only _asking_…besides, she did look a state. She took pity on the fact that Robin probably hadn't slept that well, considering the fact that she had beaten him up mentally about his treatment of Starfire.

"I didn't sleep very well last night," added Raven, finally. Robin turned his head slightly, and let out a small smile.

"You weren't the only one," he replied, confirming Raven's thoughts. She nodded again, emotionlessly, and continued to look ahead, thinking of other things.

"If you don't want to do combat practice today, you don't have to."

"No…I want to," responded the gothic teen, clenching her fists beneath the cloak. "Thanks."

"Uhm, no problem," Robin said, shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts. He suddenly grabbed her arm and stopped her mid step. Raven turned her head inquisitively towards the leader and raised her eyebrow.

"Raven…you won't…tell Starfire about our conversation yesterday, will you?"

Raven couldn't suppress a small chuckle. "Is _that_ what's been bothering you all night? You needn't have worried, Robin. I wouldn't tell Starfire anything…that's your job."

"Good," smiled the Boy Wonder, truly letting out a breath of relief. He seemed to have lifted ten pegs or more. "Thank you."

"It's nothing…just make sure you don't leave it too long…remember what I said."

"I won't," responded Robin, solemnly. "You know that today we take most of the day off…well…I thought I might take her some where nice and talk to her."

"I'm sure that she'd love that…honestly."

"Really?" asked the team leader, blushing profusely. "I…wasn't sure."

"Robin, _you_ yourself are the person whom Starfire has feelings for. So acting like you normally do is bound to be the right thing…just be yourself and you can't go wrong."

Raven raised her eyebrows. Robin raised his and let out another sigh of relief. It seemed that all his problems were solved there on the spot…the true test however, remained to be seen.

The two titans continued walking in an amicable silence until they reached the assault course, where upon Raven joined the other four as Robin briefed them on what was going to happen.

* * *

After some time, it was Raven's turn to face the assault course. She was the last one, and the least enthusiastic that morning. Beast boy nudged her playfully, and she glanced at him suppressing a yawn. 

"Good luck, Rae!" he began, mischievously. "Hope you can beat my time."

Raven rolled her eyes and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

'_Right now, Beast boy_,' she thought to herself, gently. '_I'm just worrying about getting through in one piece.'_

But she didn't say anything out loud. Truth be told, she barely had the strength to. It was amazing how much sleep deprivation had affected her that morning. She cursed herself over and over, until Robin's voice shook her thoughts away.

"Raven, you ready to go?"

She opened her lilac eyes slowly and looked directly at the Boy Wonder. He was looking back, his eyebrows raised. Raven nodded, solemnly.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she confirmed, and he understood, nodding back.

Robin knew that Raven was perfectly capable of knowing her limits, and he wasn't about to muscle in. Besides, she was pretty damned determined when she wanted to be.

"Right. Cy, set up for Raven!"

"Already done, man," Cyborg replied, tapping a few of the keys on the computer. "She's good to go!"

"Okay. Raven, GO!"

Raven glided forwards, vigilant for anything that might appear. Suddenly a laser beam began firing at her.

Raven summoned up a large aura bubble to protect herself as she flew around the machine quickly, before releasing the bubble to fire a blast directly at the sweet spot, in the centre of the cannon.

It exploded, with a deafening roar, and she turned her back on it, continuing down the assault course.

Fifteen robots appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and began marching towards her.

Beast boy narrowed his eyes. He didn't know much…but he knew Raven. And he could tell that something wasn't right. Her reactions were slower than usual, her movements were weak and slow. His animal instincts were ringing alarm bells in his head.

"Cyborg," called BB, causing the metal man to turn around abruptly. "Go easy on Raven…I think something's wrong."

"Nah, man…she's fine! Look!"

BB _was_ looking. Raven was battling heroically but with each movement was becoming slower and slower.

Ten of the robots went crashing onto the floor in two separate halves as she cut them with an aura beam.

"Azarath, Metrion…ZINTHOS!" yelled the gothic teen with all of her energy, heart and soul pouring into the battle.

Four more of the robotic nemesis went down hard, crashing onto the floor.

"See what I mean, man!" Cyborg laughed, punching the air in triumph at Raven's victory.

Beast boy's eyes were narrowed. He was no genius, but he knew that four plus ten was fourteen. There were _fifteen_ robots there a moment ago.

Raven had lowered her guard and was looking around. The changeling's eyes darted two and fro, as the Azarathian lowered her guard completely and lowered herself to the ground, panting heavily.

Suddenly, his eyes locked onto the enemy which was creeping stealthily up on the girl.

Raven, oblivious, was walking forwards towards the next section.

Suddenly, she felt her chakra pounding slightly. She could hear the whispers in her head, of voices she wanted to ignore, and stumbled slightly.

"_It had been so long since she had allowed herself to feel_

_anything that this attraction, interest, empathy, whatever_

_it was that she had about him, alarmed her."_

_"Nervous and wary, she was reluctant to let their association_

_take even the smallest step onward."_

Raven took a couple of shaky steps towards the next part, groaning. She was becoming delirious with lack of sleep and bad thoughts.

_"Long-buried emotions threatened to bubble to the surface when she was around him."_

_"The painful lessons of past hurt still cast their shadow over her."_

It was out of control. _She_ was out of control. The voices only became louder. Her heart began to pound.

_" **She never wanted to experience anything like it again."**_

Raven fell down to her knees, clutching her head. She was well aware that her powers were creating an aura around her.

A second before she fell, the shapeshifter ran up behind her, in the form of a bull and dug his horns deep inside the stomach of the robot.

The robot was _just_ about to attack the unsuspecting Azarathian, before it was impaled and tossed into the rubbish heap with the other fourteen, hissing and crackling with broken electrical circuitry.

Beast boy reformed, shaking the metal out of his hair and ran over, crouching down beside the gothic teenager, who's aura had vanished, and putting his arm supportively round her shoulder.

"Raven?"

Raven's hood toppled down, and Beast boy saw her face. He let out a gasp. She looked _awful_. Sullen, sunken and quite unwell.

"Raven, what's the matter?"

"Beast…boy…I—"

By this point, the other titans were running over. Cyborg skidded to a halt and crouched slowly next to Beast boy.

"Okay, I take it back. Sorry, Raven…I didn't mean to overload you…" he interrupted, unknowingly. "You okay?"

Raven's eyes were very glassy, and Beast boy lifted her up, slowly. She leant against him for support, but toppled the other side.

Robin and Starfire were there in an instant. Starfire immediately dodged beneath the other arm, holding her up.

Star felt Raven's forehead in a motherly way. "Oh, my. Raven you are bubbling over!"

Robin walked over, frowning. "I think we should get you checked out at the medical bay."

Raven frowned back, and glared. "That will not be necessary…I'm fine…"

"Uh huh. Well, just to be sure, okay?"

Raven glowered at him, but she knew he meant well. Cyborg hoisted her up into his arms, and the other titans ran alongside him, watching her like three hawks.

Raven couldn't protest. She was so exhausted she nearly fainted there on the spot. But she forced herself to stay awake, determinedly. She bit her lip, the pain coursing through her keeping her conscious.

Cyborg gently placed her on the bed and she nodded at him gratefully. "Thank you."

"No problem, Rae. We'll have you sorted out in a mo'."

Raven nodded, but she didn't believe him. What was wrong with her ran much deeper than anything which could be solved with medicine and rest.

Sighing, she leant against the pillows, one leg dangling over the edge of the bed lazily.

"Friend, would you wish for a glass of water? Or some mustard?" queried Starfire, floating in a worried manner next to her best friend. "Perhaps some of your…tea?"

Thoughts of Starfire attempting to make tea coursed through the Azarathian's mind.

"It's fine, Star. Honestly. I'm okay…"

Starfire nodded, as Robin walked over to the corner of the bed and felt Raven's forehead again.

"Even through my glove I can feel you're burning up."

"Super," Raven replied, sardonically. "Tell me some good news, why don't you?"

"Okay. You're going to get better," countered Robin. "And when you do, I want you to redo that assault course."

"Oh, well darn," growled Raven, looking down. "And I thought I'd got away with it."

"Not a chance," smiled the Boy Wonder, writing on a clipboard and handing it to Cyborg, who was typing on the computer. Robin began to talk to him, as they examined the tests and the results of some scans which had been completed.

Raven sighed, and swallowed. Her throat was like sandpaper. She looked upwards, and then at Star.

"Star…actually…I'll take that water…"

"Of course friend. I shall be back very, very soon!"

"Don't rush and spill it…" muttered the gothic teenager, sarcastic once more. The sarcasm kept her safe, kept her locked away tight. Starfire didn't understand this. With a funny look at Raven, she nodded and flew downstairs gently.

Beast boy suddenly reformed next to her. Raven jumped slightly.

"Beast boy? Where did you come from!"

"I've been here all along. Just sort of…keeping out of the way…I'm no good with the sciency stuff…"

"You could have fooled me…"

Once more the sarcasm attacked another victim. Raven cursed it – another spontaneous reaction to protect herself. She sighed.

"Raven," began the green shapeshifter, clutching at her arm. "You are…alright…aren't you?"

Raven gave a small smile and nodded. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh…_I_ don't know," replied the green teenager, some sarcasm of his own evident. "Maybe considering _what just happened_."

"Yes, okay," Raven answered distantly, looking at the wall. She'd never noticed the walls were painted in a dull, boring grey in the medical room. She absently looked back, distracted.

"It's just a sleepless night, that's all," she explained, shrugging. "No big deal."

"It's a big deal if you are collapsing, dude."

"It was a one off. It'll be different tomorrow."

"That was surprisingly optimistic for you," laughed Beast boy, squeezing her hand then releasing it.

"That was a surprisingly long word for you," countered Raven, teasingly. She rolled her eyes and tucked her hair behind her ears then folding her arms. Starfire suddenly flew in with the glass of water.

"Raven, I was most careful not to spill a drop nor be messy and—"

"It's fine, Starfire," barged in Raven, taking the glass, gently and sipping the cool water, feeling her rough throat ease slightly. "Thanks."

"It was not a problem!" smiled the Tameranian, openly. Beast boy placed his hand on Starfire's shoulder as she landed, supportively.

Everyone loved Star, without question. She was so easy to get on with, regardless of with whom. Raven felt guilty at her jealousy for not only the love which Starfire had but also the beauty, but it _was_ true they were complete opposites.

Perhaps Starfire was destined to have love and Raven just wasn't. Raven glanced down at the half empty glass.

_'I'm a hard person to get on with,'_ she admitted, smoothing the sides nervously. '_I deserve exactly what I get – just like Star deserves the love she's going to get.'_

"If we're ever short of cash, at least we know who can do some waitressing for money, right Raven?"

The Azarathian looked up slowly at Beast boy, and Starfire's giggling faces. She smiled weakly then nodded.

"Okay, Rae," Robin cut in, standing next to Star. "Cy's checked. You've got a bit of a fever, and you're over tired. But nothing major."

"Told you," replied Raven, defiantly. "I'm _fine_."

"You will be. I want you to stay in bed – no excuses – for at least two days. At least."

"Two days? Is that really necessary—"

"Raven, it's necessary," responded Robin, firmly. "Now, let it lie. Just stay in bed, okay?"

Raven sighed heavily and glared at the floor. "Stupid fever."

"Yeah, but Raven," Cyborg said, cheerfully. "On the bright side, you spend a lot of time in your room anyway."

"…I don't lie in bed all day…"

"I know," laughed the android, softly, rubbing the back of his head. "But…but…"

"Cy, I think you've dug yourself in a hole, dude," confirmed Beast boy, shaking his head in despair. Starfire fluttered forwards.

"I shall be your nurse for the few days, friend! I shall be there upon your every beckoned call!"

Raven gave a short strained laugh. Starfire meant well…but two days of her was likely to be a lot to handle. Still, one couldn't revoke kindness.

However, Robin looked pleadingly at Raven from behind Starfire's back. Raven slapped herself mentally.

Of _course_. Robin was going to tell Star this afternoon. Raven's mind worked very quickly. She could practically feel knowledge having a heart attack within her mind.

"That's very kind of you Star…but, you know what? I…um, was going to suggest that you me and Robin went to the cinema together, whilst Beast boy and Cy played on game station – like always – and it seems a shame not to," lied Raven very unconvincingly, looking at Cyborg.

He nodded behind Star and Robin's back. He knew about Star and Robin…of course he knew. Raven and him had spent hours talking about it.

"Beast boy and Cyborg can look after me…you and Robin should go…you can look after me all day tomorrow then…" Raven continued, mentally cursing every dimension she knew for what she had just imposed upon herself.

Robin owed her _big_ time. His face relaxed and he mouthed 'thank you' towards her.

Raven meanwhile looked at Star, who looked back. Now it was the time for the code to pass between the two girls.

_'Star, this is your perfect opportunity to spend some time with Robin…you could sort things out,'_ spoke Raven, telepathically, raising her eyebrow. Starfire blushed slightly at the invasion of her thoughts.

"Oh, uhm…yes," she smiled, grasping the girl in a firm hug. "Well, if you insist."

"I do," stated the gothic teenager, patting the princess on the back and mouthing towards Robin:

'You owe me one, Boy Wonder!'

He nodded guiltily, whilst Beast boy and Cyborg continued to nearly wet themselves with silent laughter. As soon as Starfire turned around, they straightened up, soberly.

"Okay, well you two get off and uh…me and B will take Raven to her room and stuff…"

"Yeaaah…you have a good time now!"

Starfire grabbed Robin by the arm. "Come friend! Let us go!"

"Okay, Starfire," he smiled, looking back towards the group. Seeing the two boys in silent laughter again, he made slitting throat signs towards them. This only made them laugh harder as he was whisked out of the door.

Raven rolled her eyes. "You two are so mean to him."

"Oh, now c'mon," laughed Cyborg. "If he couldn't take it, we wouldn't do it."

"Yeah," agreed Beast boy. "I think it's great that they're in love…but don't tell each other…"

He sounded wistful and sad at the same time. Raven raised her eyebrows and wondered what was the matter with him, sensing that there was something pestering his mind. After all…she was an empath.

"Right, little lady," Cyborg said, breaking the other two's thoughts. "Let's get you in to bed, tucked up tight!"

"Oh, _great_," groaned Raven as he picked her up once more. It was so degrading to be carried. Albeit by a good friend – it was still something which made her feel so useless and pathetic.

"Thank you nurse Cyborg!" she continued, mockingly. Cyborg almost dropped her but saved her skin at the last moment.

"Oops, sorry," he covered, glancing at Beast boy, who had fallen deathly quiet. Looked like they'd be having a talk after Raven was all settled down.

"Okay, here you are," smiled Cy, dropping Rae gently onto the soft sheets as she pushed herself down, yawning heavily.

"Thanks," she muttered, in her usual monotone voice. "Shut the door on your way out, please."

"As usual, your wish is our command," joked Cyborg. Raven's eyes flicked open and she glared. "I'm just kiddin'…"

"Sure you are," whispered the gothic teen angrily. "Can I go to sleep now?"

"Yeah, alright, we can take a hint."

Raven closed her eyes, but she had one more thing to do before she fell asleep. Her mind reached out to the green changeling.

_'Beast boy, it's me. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me back there…I appreciate it.'_

Beast boy glanced back as they walked out and gave a toothy smile, though it seemed rather strained.

_'It's no problem at all Raven, any time you need. Just give me a shout, okay dude?'_

Raven smiled back as he approached the door, but was frowning inside. What was bothering him?

_'Deal.'

* * *

_

**Thanks for reading my belated chapter. I'll update in like a couple of days – promise.**

**Love you muchly,**

**xChibix**


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